I remember the first time I watched the movie Bridget Jones, I wholeheartedly identified with Bridget.
She is the type of women who wan’ts to be so pulled together yet is this clumsy, goofy mess.
Whenever I go out with my married or in a serious relationship type of friends, the conversation inevitably always turns to the same repeat questions. Who are you dating?(Oh you know, I’m just taking a break.) Why are you still single? (Because my parents couldn’t afford a dowry? ) and in a glaring double vision with their doe eye’d Bambi eyes they stare back at you, so intent on a REAL answer.
My best advice? Never face the married’s without a cocktail or two!
I always feel like some rare, weird zoo animal. The one that is unable to attach itself to another which makes me this sad, con drum for the marrieds. It’s often like looking at a reflection of myself, my own confusion and self doubt materialized right in front of me.
Why is there so much pressure to find a suitable mate. Other then the regular biological need to procreate, or perhaps the desire to have a condo in the downtown core which can only come from a double income, i’m unsure why there is so much pressure?
You cannot get everything from one person. I really do not think that is possible. That is why you form many different types of relationships with people. People will come and go in your life.
As I have grown older this is something that I started to come to terms with. I never wanted people to ever have to leave my world. I always wanted them in it for the most part and was always so torn when inevitably when they had to leave or I had to leave for work or school or other pursuits or just how people can drift away from each other.
However I have began to see that even as people come and go. There is a sort of method to this rotational madness. I think that you can build your ecosystem by starting with your family. A family can having many different starting points. Our society has created so many different kinds, two parents, one parent, grandparents, adopted, step, half, the combinations are endless. Which ever combo you come up with essentially will create your base.
From there you elaborate. The rest of your ecosystem I believe can develop and change however each person that is important to you resembles a certain archetype.
In the satellite aspects of my ecosystem I have always had the “child like”, “the funny”, “the party,” “the intellectuals,” people who all bring a unique characteristic that have always sought to fill that role in my life. I have always had a friend who has fallen into one of these category’s. Sometimes they leave me, sometimes I leave them. I meet new friends and they are exchanged out.
Among those basic archetypes that often rotate in and out. You are lucky to meet the kindred spirits. The ones who are so unique and rare that they often cannot be singly classified. Kindred spirits can fill several of the above roles. These people if your lucky to find them make up the immediate circle outside of your core. They often blend into a family and friend role. This delightful hybrid that I often dub the urban family.
Then for the lucky few you meet your heart’s desire. This is the person that marrieds have already found and want us singletons to have as well. Somehow though I don’t think that they truly (the hearts desire) define who you are as a person. The same way the rest of your ecosystem doesn’t truly define you either.
Finding your hears desire is the one of many things in life that you have absolutely no control over. The same way when your really fun party friend moves away you can’t control when your going to meet another really cool party friend. However the latter does not seem to have as much pressure riding on it.
So I say roll with the punches if your heart’s desire comes into your life, enjoy each moment you have with them, and understand the work that goes into maintaining such a relationship. I don’t think my bitter black heart is to cynical to think that such relationships are nothing but perfection because there not.
Also don’t assume that if you can get EVERYTHING from them. Most likely you can’t and you still need to maintain the ecosystem in order to have all your needs met. If you have yet to find them understand who you are and enjoy your life.
I think it is to pedestrian to get caught up in only achieving that relationship. My friend SM once told me just live your life, and if someone happens to come into to it then great, if they don’t then that’s OK to.
Being by yourself is not this horrific negative thing that I think sometimes the marrieds think. Well unless your only goal in life is to have a Yaletown apartment because well lets face it that cannot be achieved by being a singleton. So if that is your ultimate goal, think outside the box and get a roommate ’yo. ;)